there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
