you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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