omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
