Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
