if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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