that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
