ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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