i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
