You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I sprained my soul last night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
