Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
