I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
