You made me cry and you don't even care
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I party with great urgency now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
