Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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