Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
