peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
