it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
