Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
