oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
