doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
