Just fell off a train. Bad.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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