Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
