You're a womanizer and a bitch.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
