I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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