dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
