i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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