I wish I could teleport
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
