oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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