1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
