PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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