Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
