You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
