Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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