id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
