3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
