I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
