R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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