Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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