I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have demons in me.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
