so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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