The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
