You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
