If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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