FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My penis needs a shock collar
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
