Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
