The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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