Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
