Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
