the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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