I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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