Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
