no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
